Screen Time - The Struggle is Real and Battle is Hard

This post is not about arguing the pros and cons of boundaries on screen time or quoting research that supports either camp, but rather offering a few ideas and suggestions that can provide your family with some flexibility and adaptation to what works best for you.

In today’s digital age, managing screen time is a common challenge for many parents. It’s something that even we as adults often struggle with. I (Phebe) know I’m definitely guilty of this myself, so I too rely on my husband and children to police me in this area. There is absolutely no one-size-fits-all solution because every family’s situation and needs are different, so boundaries on screen time will vary. However, the bottom line is: if you expect your child to go along with whatever rules you decide to set, you need to be the first one to follow them before expecting your child to do the same. In fact, you need to hold yourself to even higher standards than your child in this area.

Some suggestions for the younger child:

Companionship: I put companionship as the first reminder because, let’s be honest, screen time is such an easy substitute for our own parenting. In fact, it’s the complete opposite—you need to keep an eye on what your child is watching in order to guide them through it. Case in point, my child was watching Firebuds one night and asked me to explain why a girl had two moms... little did I know a show that was supposed to be about kids and fire trucks to keep the city safe was that loaded in content.

Content: Before we get to this, ask yourself whether you have really exhausted all other non-screen time activities before walking down this slippery slope. Alright, assuming you have, then the first thing you need to do is ensure you have curated age-appropriate content. If you don’t know, ask around, look up reviews, think of what they’re learning at the moment and what complements their learning, etc.

Time & Place: How long and how often is your child allowed to be on screen? Do you have a set time, device, and place for screens? Let me use an example to illustrate my point.

In my family, we purchased four hourglasses of different colors when my eldest turned 2 years old—1-minute, 3-minutes, 5-minutes, and 10-minutes. This has been a saving grace to prevent meltdowns because we all know what happens once time runs out and they beg for another minute (but hey, there’s no more sand left!). My children are now 5 and 7, and throughout the years we have adjusted how much screen time they get. On weekdays, they each get 10 minutes—they can decide if they want to use up all 10 minutes on one video/show, or flip their 5-minute hourglass twice, and if so, alternate between siblings. On weekends, they each get 15 minutes but the practice is the same. We’ve got two iPads which they each get only when we travel on flights, so at home, they have to share one and screencast it onto the TV so everyone, including the adult(s), can see what they’re watching. They need to have finished everything they need to do, including dinner, homework, packing their bags, and changing into their PJs, all before 7:30 pm if they want screen time. This is what has worked in my family, which is definitely not a foolproof method. There’s a lot of trial and error that has gone into this routine, but the kids know these are Dad and Mom’s expectations, which have been repeatedly communicated and enforced many times.

Some suggestions for the older child:

Understand, Discuss, Agree, and Adjust your child’s technology needs for screen time (remember, their need, not desire!). For example, do they need access to a laptop for accessing school notes or working on assignments? Do they need access to a phone to get in touch with you if they have after-school activities or with friends on weekends, etc.?

Environment and Monitoring: Does your child have a specific place where they use their devices? An appropriate environment for technology use goes hand in hand with monitoring. Some parents will have their child keep their bedroom door open while they’re doing homework; some parents will ask their children to work in a shared space such as the dining room table. Basically, you need to put your child through the “sunlight test.” If your child would be comfortable with everyone knowing what they’re browsing on the internet, then it likely passes the sunlight test.

Bottom line: As a parent, you have a duty to ensure your child’s safety and that they are using their technology responsibly. Remember, those devices and all content on them belong to you. (No, it does NOT mean you can trample all over their privacy.)

The struggle with screen time is very real and probably warrants a few more posts. Just remember, as a parent, you know your child best and if one method doesn't work, keep working at it! Children keep changing, so do their needs, and so will your rules and expectations.